house of waffles

every day life / Health / Parenting — No comments
22
May 13

Home

The naptime dilemma:

When I’m cleaning, I’m feeling like maybe I should be resting instead.
When I’m resting, I’m feeling guilty that I’m not cleaning.

I usually err on the side of cleaning but then I get chastised by my (wonderful, loving, well-meaning) husband, who reminds me that taking care of myself is important, too. I have a hard time with this one. It feels almost impossible to do the most basic of self-upkeep. I’m averaging 2 haircuts/year (YEAR!!!). I haven’t been to the dentist in mumble mumble I don’t want to fess up how long it’s been. I have a couple of doctor appointments this week that have felt nearly impossible to make happen. Not saying this to complain, just to state that this is how it feels right now. I don’t come first. Parenthood isn’t about coming first. It’s about always keeping your children in mind first. It’s about selflessness and it’s about sleeplessness. Someday these priorities will shift but for right now, I’ve got my head down and I’ve got my hands full.

And sometimes my house is clean and sometimes I’m rested, but it’s rare to have both.

every day life / Family / Parenting — 1 comment
18
May 13

Today

What my life is like, today.

Up at 6 am (after being awake at around 3 am–I think? it’s all a little hazy–for a baby feeding) for the day. Tired, but isn’t that life? Wondering if I’ll ever feel the energy levels I felt as a 20-something, ever again. For sure it will help when I get to sleep through the night again. BUT, actually not feeling resentful or completely burnt out over these middle of the night feedings because it is the only time that my sweet Lily girl is completely mellow and still. This baby is either ON or OFF, it seems. She’s GO GO GO or she’s asleep. And the middle-of-the-night feedings are the only truly peaceful and still times I can spend with her. Even pre-naptime nursing sessions are filled with her sticking her fingers in my mouth, or kicking her legs repeatedly, or the “wandering arm” as I think of it…..she’s all over the place. She is a bundle of energy. She is so much fun but it is exhausting so it is actually nice to have these times–yes, even at 3 am–to sit and just BE. To trace the soft curve of her cheek, to feel the plumpness of her arms, to listen to her sweet inhale and exhale.

Anna is amazingly beautiful. Such a Big Kid, no longer any trace of Baby or Toddler or Little Kid. Bittersweet, this. I asked to braid her hair today and she obliged. How much longer until she is doing unthinkable things–driving a car, going to high school, buying her own clothes? It makes my heart hurt; it makes my heart soar.

Today she threw a fit inside of Michael’s craft store. We went in for one, and only one, thing (to buy some construction paper for a craft project that one of the school moms is organizing–an end-of-the-year teacher thank you) and we left with tears and unhappiness and screams of “It’s Not Fair!!!!” because we weren’t buying this or that crap item. It’s so hard! I would love to oblige every single craft fantasy that she has but it is not feasible or reasonable. There were tears but I’m happy to say that we were able to talk it out as a family. If I were to choose, I’d say that there are things about this age (6) that are infinitely easier than the baby stage. Yes, the big feelings are even BIGGER but the ability to talk and discuss emotional territory is immensely satisfying. It’s tough. Each stage is tough. It all has its easier parts and it’s harder parts.

These girls of ours….I keep imagining what it will be like in a few years because sometimes I need to hang on to a shred of hope. I need to look forward to a time of respite. Today, Adam and I talked about our 20 year anniversary (just 4 years and a couple of months away) and I realized that I will enjoy our time away–assuming that it will be feasible to take a short trip, just the two of us, once the kids are 5-ish and 11/12ish, but also realizing that I will probably miss them like crazy. It’s good for me have these glimpses of life to come. To have perspective. This was definitely lacking for me when Anna was an infant. It seemed like the sleepless nights and overwhelming feelings of being needed 24/7 would never end. And now, at 6 and 1/2, she has such independence that I end up missing her so much during the day when she is at school, asking for little tidbits of information at the end of the day–did she have fun? Did she learn anything?

It’s a push and pull of parenthood. It’s knowing that these times are intense but they won’t always be, at least not in this way.

It’s busy and its crazy but it’s my life and I love it. Sleepless nights and all.

Homework

Anna’s teacher started sending homework home just after spring break. She has two assignments every night: a journal (teacher gives a prompt and students write one sentence and draw a picture if they want to–of course Anna always wants to, my little artist) and reading out loud.

I’ll be honest: I am hating doing homework with Anna. I hate to say that, but it is true. I feel all rage-y when we sit down to work on it together. I am trying to remain neutral/positive because the last thing I want to do is for her to start hating it, too. Right now, sometimes she doesn’t want to do it, sometimes she doesn’t want to do it Right Now (LATER!!!) but usually she is ok about doing it. The problem is that I feel like I am constantly CONSTANTLY having to pull it out of her and then we end up disagreeing about something. I know we are both stubborn but, really, I’m pretty sure I know the difference between a “b” and a “d” and she fights me constantly about stuff like this, or tells me that I’m wrong because her teacher told her it was HER way (umm, no, these things are universal). Part of it is my (and her) perfectionistic tendencies and OHGOD the frustration of seeing her write it sloppy when I know she can write it neatly! Do I just let this part go (instructions from teacher say to encourage proper letter formation and encourage staying within the lines and encourage correct spelling etcetera)? I want to be there to guide and help her because I believe that school education needs to be supported at home. I believe it is parental slacking to trust that the school/teachers can be the one and only, that parents need to roll the sleeves up and do some of the “dirty work,” too, but GAH!

And the reading out loud. LORDAMERCY. I have to sit on my hands and bite my tongue. This sounds terrible. She is just learning to read and at first every single word she read was like unicorns and rainbows and butterflies erupting from her tiny little mouth, I was just so proud. But now I sit there thinking “just get ON with it!” as she re-sounds out the same word that she has just sounded out on the same page, literally the sentence before, over and over again. I don’t want to jump in and rescue her and do it for her–I think she needs to learn how to do it herself, but it is SO hard for me. I realize that this is all about me. I realize that I am the least patient person in the universe. I feel horrible about this. It also makes me realize how very very very very very patient my own mother was (and is). Mom! I never EVER felt rushed or like you were annoyed when helping with school work. Well, except for maybe that one time when I had to memorize the state capitols. I do remember the horror of those study sessions (so sorry). Maybe it is because reading came more naturally to me? Math was hard for me.

I could never be a teacher. I am not patient enough.

For the record, I don’t think that Anna is particularly struggling with reading or that she is behind or any of that. I just think that she is a normal kid who needs a normal amount of support while she learns. I am thrilled that she is learning to read and write. I DO want to help her. I am just struggling with my own feelings about this. I’m nervous about the years to come. I can foresee the homework future and it is daunting. More work. Much, much more work. More frustration, more difficulty, more opportunity for Anna to tell me that I’m wrong and she is right. It’s a continual lesson in humility and patience. I’m working on it. I love my kid, my stubborn and perfectionistic little one. She’s just like me.

Travel — 3 comments
14
May 13

Hawaii 2013

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Lily — No comments
11
May 13

Tooth! Standing! 9 Months old!

Lily turned 9 months old on April 27th. Just a couple of days later she got a tooth (her first). Too bad it happened on the way to Hawaii. Everyone on our airplane got a chance to hear just how hard it was for her. Poor baby. : ( There was a lot of crying.

She has decided that she wants to be upright, but she doesn’t want to hold on to things to get there. She just wants to stand right on up. It is so cute to see her pudgy little legs pushing up up up as she tries to get upright. I can’t believe it. It feels like walking (and running!) is right around the corner (yes, months away and yet I see how quickly this time will pass!). She is so fast getting around but she has a funny combination of traditional crawling and scooting and rolling and sitting.

She loves to wave “bye bye” and shake her head no. She gets quite the mischevious look in her eye when you say “yes!” and she shakes her head, quite emphatically, “no no no!!!” She likes to give mommy big open mouth (slobbery) kisses. How can I resist?!?!?

Lily likes food but does have some opinions about it. She is definitely not as big of a meat eater as Anna was at this age. She prefers fruit and vegetables. Her very favorite thing is strawberries.

She says: Mama, Dadda, Anna. : )

I feel like this first year is zooming by. Hard to believe we are 3/4 of the way to ONE year old!

Travel — 1 comment
08
May 13

Hawaii 2013: Lessons Learned

We are not rookies when it comes to travel. Anna has visited 5 countries in as many years. There is always something to learn, though. Here are the things that have been brewing in my brain about this trip (kids are 6 years old and 9 months):

Buy a seat for baby on the airplane. Yes, it’s expensive. Yes, they can sit on your lap for free. But do you really want to spend five or more hours holding a baby? While trying to eat dinner? Or what to do when you have to go to the bathroom and your spouse is busy with the other kid? I wish we had bought a seat for Lily. It would have still been a hard flight over (she cut her first tooth on that airplane and there was a lot of crying. By both of us), but I think it would have been a tiny bit less hard if I could have had the option of setting her down.

Related to the above, bring the baby’s carseat. We requested a seat with our rental car. It sucked. The first one they gave us was broken. The second technically worked but I did not feel super great about it. It added extra time when we got to the rental place, trying to get a decent seat and install it correctly. Anna’s seat was ok but I think that there is a greater of acceptability when it comes to big kid seats/boosters than when it comes to baby carseats.

Bring (or rent, a notion that only belatedly occurred to me) a damn stroller. Because as much as I love to baby wear, two weeks of only being able to carry and not push a baby around–a nearly twenty pound baby–is a lot. Adam won’t (can’t, he insists?) wear her so it was all me, all the time. And with the screwed up sleep I got, I have become fall-down exhausted.

Bring more underwear. Pack all your underwear. Make your kid pack all of theirs. Then go buy some more and pack that. Slightly dirty-ish shorts and shirts can be ok to wear in a pinch but not so much with the dirty drawers.

Obvious, but I guess I needed a reminder because I sure screwed this one up, Check The Drawers When You Checkout of The Hotel. We left a drawerful of Anna’s clothes on the Big Island when we went to Maui. That sucked.

Take care of health issues before you leave home. I left Santa Barbara feeling like just maybe I was coming down with a sinus infection and by golly I was right. It took me a couple of days to get some medication called and and sorted out, though. I really should have made visiting the doctor at home a priority but I was “too busy packing.” Don’t be me. That was stupid.

Bring lots of clothes for baby. Lots and lots. I paid an embarrassing amount of money to get baby clothes washed at the hotel because they didn’t offer washing facilities when I assumed they would and, news flash!, babies are messy. Pee, poop, spit up, food, sand, dirt. Messy messy messy. Should have brought more clothes.

Believe the weather report.Why I have such a hard time doing this is beyond me. I looked up the weather report, saw forecast for hot days and muggy warm rain, and then mostly packed for Santa Barbara weather (temperate). I ended up buying an overpriced and not very good umbrella and my sweaters all languished in my suitcase, taking up room that could have been used for More Underwear.

Adjust expectations. I spent the first several days feeling sorry for myself. This was partly because of the sinus infection (which did/does truly suck so poor me) but partly because I somehow thought that this vacation would be a vacation. No. No no no no. Silly me. “Vacations” with children are having to do all the same stuff as at home (diapers and naptime and crying and clothing changes) but without the comforts of home. Plus sleep disruption. Whee! I felt really resentful until I was able to wrap my head around this and just look forward to being a few more years into this parenting game and try to enjoy those few, fleeting Actual Good Moments (baby splashing in pool happily, Anna excitedly telling me about seeing a sea turtle, Adam and I locking eyes as we toasted each other with our Mai Tais, wearily and yet happily accepting that this is our beautiful and crazy little life right now).

I don’t know if it gets easier. It will get….different. Someday, I am told, I will miss them being little.

It hasn’t all been horrid and hard but there have been horrible and hard moments. I’m glad we came and I will also be glad to be back home, where the trash cans are all already tucked out of exploring baby reach and Anna can get an actual full night’s sleep and I can have access to More Underwear.

It’s almost over, Hawaiian Vacation 2013.

Aloha!

Uncategorized — 2 comments
28
Mar 13

8 months (+ 1 day)

Yesterday marked little Lily’s 8 months here with us. Unfortunately, she and I are in the midst of a horrid cold. Poor thing–this is the third illness she has had so far. Anna didn’t get her first cold until she was over a year old. I guess that that is the way it goes with the second-born, though: they get exposed to all those germs that big siblings bring home (and are more likely to be carted around to all manners of places, too). I confess, as sweet as it is when Anna’s kindergarten friends crowd around Lily before and after school, wanting to say hi and play with her, I cringe when they breathe in her face, or reach out and touch her. Unless they have an obvious cough, though (in which case I do step in and ask them to keep some distance), I generally let them do it. It brings such pleasure to these kids and to Lily, too. She is definitely a social baby, all easy smiles. I would love her anyways, even if she weren’t this way, but it is such an appealing and loveable quality of hers that it just makes her even more dear to me. Who couldn’t feel their heart melt with a sweet round baby grinning at you?

Lily is still not quite crawling, though she does a mean commando crawl that gets her places faster than I always think possible. In fact, she commando crawled her way into a big fall into our master bathtub (sunken)–ouch!–a couple of days ago when I left her, just for a second(I know, famous last words), several feet away from not only the tub, but the bathroom. I still feel just sick thinking about it. Wince. Never again. Well, I know that she will of course her herself again but I’d rather avoid her doing it due to my own negligence! I have to be on my toes with this one!

She is enamored by the dog. She has taken to flinging food at him from her high chair (she holds the food just outside of our reach and then, I swear to you throws it at him….and laughs). She laughs and smiles and kicks her legs when he approaches her. It’s lucky for Porkchop that she loves him so much because there have been several days in the last few weeks where I have felt like marching his ass right back to the dog adoption people (so much barking! So much toy thievery!).

Lily’s other loves are her sister, her daddy and I, and her little lovey that Adam has named Marco. She squeals when she sees this little blankie animal. So sweet.

She is eating all kinds of food. She doesn’t care for banana (will throw it off of her tray), but loves all other fruit. Berries are her favorite. If she sees strawberries, she will grunt and strain towards them, in a most obvious “give me THAT!” kind of a way.

No teeth yet!

She was sleeping through the night (oh blissful 11-12 hours! And she did it all on her own!) until this dreaded cold. Now I am a zombie again but of course I take care of my poor snotty sweetie.

She is growing out of her 6-12 month clothes and is in a combo of those (which are getting too short and tight) and 12-18 month size. I think she is around 17 pounds, though I need to re-weigh her as it has been a while. My arms feel like I’ve had a workout when I carry her for any length of time now! Thank goodness for the Ergo.

Her hair is coming in more and is decidedly a darker blonde. Her eyes remain a gorgeous blue. Her arms couldn’t be more chubbity and munch able–I get comments all the time on them. I am loving cuddling her and feeling her soft babyness–I know how soon she will turn into a toddler and sometimes I don’t feel ready for that!

Sweet Lily. We are lucky to have her in our family and to continue to get to know her.

Anna / food / Health / Lily — 2 comments
14
Mar 13

allergies

I wrote a whole long thing about this but when I re-read it, it made even me bored. And it’s about me and my kids and my life and I wrote it. So I erased it. I’ll sum up.

Anna is allergic (anaphylaxis) to walnuts and pecans. So….she can’t eat those. Eating those is very bad.

Lily started getting a skin rash that, as it turns out, is eczema. We had her tested and she is allergic to peanuts and eggs. So….she can’t eat those. Doc says it isn’t necessarily an anaphylactic allergy but, hey, who wants to test that out on a baby? We are told to avoid these for her and for me (since I’m breastfeeding). We will have her retested in a year and see if anything has changed. It only took a couple of days of her and I avoiding the allergens for her face to completely clear up. Crazy.

It’s kind of a bummer but that’s life. We’re pretty well used to Anna’s allergy, living with the epipen and the benadryl and the asking questions at restaurants and people’s houses and the avoiding of baked goods that we can’t verify.

We’re really interested in this article that Adam found. What would it be like to be able to effectively “cure” our kids’ allergies? Why are there so many more kids diagnosed with them? Is it because I ate too much or not enough of something when pregnant or breastfeeding? Is it because we introduced food too early or too late? It’s such a mystery.

I’m hoping that Lily’s allergies go away. From what I’ve read, we have a good chance that she will outgrow the egg allergy, at least, by the time she is 2 or 3 years old. Peanuts? Well, that’s more of a crapshoot. I can hope that she does, but there is no way of knowing whether it will get better or worse in the next few years. Until then….no PB for my baby girl. And no walnuts or pecans for my big girl. It is what it is.

Uncategorized — 1 comment
01
Mar 13

On the couch

Anna — 1 comment
28
Feb 13

The book of Us

I find these papers all over the house, drawings of herself and her family. She draws what she knows, and I love it.
“Here is Lilith. Here is Anna. Here is Mom. Here is Dad. Here is Porky.”