Jul 11

Almost Famous

Depending who you ask, I guess. I am up on the New York Times website, in a cool interactive feature that they are calling “Picture Your Life After Cancer.”

In case you can’t get it to come up (the gallery doesn’t work on my iPhone), this is the picture and these are the words that accompany it:

Today, after cancer, I am vulnerable and I am soft and I am emotional. I am gritty and I am tough and I am brave and I am bold. I am afraid, and I am ready to kick some ass. Cancer has made me examine my deepest emotions and traveled me through my darkest times. Cancer has strengthened my relationships and cancer has finally made me ready to go out there and live my life. I am not glad I had it, but without it I wouldn’t be the me that I am today.

I submitted it one night, a couple of weeks ago, when I couldn’t sleep. It was 2 am, and I came across it (I love the Health section of the NYT online), and I just wrote something up and submitted it, just like that. I heard back from them a couple of days later: they also chose my picture (well, the amazing Adrea Scheidler’s picture, to whom all credit for awesomeness of the picture is due!) and words to be in a book that is being put out by the American Cancer Society, featuring approximately 200 of these pictures from the website. It is scheduled to come out in the Fall of 2012.

So….almost famous. Yep.

In all seriousness, I am happy for Adrea (who does amazing work and with whom I have great synergy) to get exposure for her photography. I am happy to get my words out there, because this is the message of my life: be honest and true and live like you mean it. I don’t hope that other people get cancer, but I hope that they feel this: that their lives are still important, meaningful, and beautiful. That they, too, can live through this.

Feb 11

Anna’s Photos

Anna was given an old digital camera that is water and shock proof. She has been busy shooting photos. I thought it would be fun to upload everything she has been shooting so you can see a bit of life from her point of view.

Link to Photos

You can also browse to her photo page by clicking on pages and Anna’s Photos.


Oct 10

Adrea Scheidler, miracle worker

We are all actually horribly deformed. I have no legs. Adam weighs 500 pounds and Anna has no hair.

But, according to this, we are a fairly attractive family. Believe what you will. That is the magic of digital photography!

(Duh. We are lovely and have a lovely life and, speaking of love, have I mentioned how much I love these family pictures? And I’m not just saying that because our photographer is my former roommate and one of my dearest, closest friends. I intend to force encourage this little family of ours to get dressed up in fancy get-up and have our pictures taken at least one time per year for the rest of our lives, if for no other reason than to balance out the other 364 days of the year that I dress in unattractive, baggy, stained clothing and don’t wash my hair. It does wonders for my self esteem).

Mar 10

Photographic Evidence

that I actually do make waffles (wearing heels and pearls, of course) here.

I also have an adorable child, bake cookies, and look serious, from time to time.

I definitely have a very talented friend (Adrea Scheidler at Bright Waters Photography). Who else could make waffle making look so glamorous and artsy? Awesome.

Nov 09


Pictures in honor of our big three year old!

Sep 08

Goodbye Long Hair

(All photos courtesy Adrea Scheidler, Brightwaters Photography

There are so many more….I had a hard time choosing which to share with you. These are just some of my favorites, just some of the ones that really show off the hair. Tomorrow it gets chopped off… long, farewell, audieu….

Sep 08

Saying Goodbye

Today was a lot about saying goodbye to life as I’ve known it. I had the incredible gift of my good friend Adrea coming up to Santa Barbara to take pictures of Adam, Anna, and me, to commemorate my long hair (not long for long, or even around for long) and my (appearance of) health. I sure do pretty much look healthy (except for the lump and the scar on my neck). I’m exhausted tonight, paying a price for my long day with Adrea, but it was so incredibly good for me, to celebrate my gorgeous, long locks (sniff sniff), my beautiful family, to laugh and laugh and laugh with someone I’ve known for more than a decade, someone who knows me well and who makes me feel connected and centered and happy. Thanks, Ada: what a gift.

Tomorrow brings a lot of changes. I’m cutting off my long locks, going for a super-short pixie cut so that it won’t be quite so frightening and dramatic when my hair starts to fall out. It will be a big change. I’m also starting my first round of chemo tomorrow. My main problem/worry here is that I already feel so sick, so nauseous….I’m nervous about what pumping stuff into me that guarantees nausea is going to do to me. I don’t know how I’m going to function at all. At all! I’m terrified.

More than that, I feel like I’m embarking on this voyage, in a big dark ocean, on a boat with no other passengers. I know others have traveled this passage before, that they’ve come through the storms and the waves and the length of the journey, but I’m still frightened to go over these seas in what is, essentially, my voyage alone. Oh, I know I am surrounded by my beloved family, by my friends. I know they will love and support me all along the way, but as much as they love me, they still are not (and cannot be) the ones to experience it all, to go through the hell-fire and back again. They aren’t the ones who will feel the way I feel, lose appearance and identity and health and strength.

I have so much more to say, but too tired to form much of a coherent thought.

Jan 07

More Christmas Pictures

I just copied these photos over from Adam’s camera onto my laptop. For your viewing pleasure, still more Christmas pictures! (These pictures show Anna sleeping on her “lamby”–a super, super soft lambskin rug from her Nana and Grandpa). Awwww…isn’t she the sweetest thing ever?

Oct 06

The home stretch: 36 weeks

Here we are…in the last 4 weeks of pregnancy. I can’t believe it! Adam and I went to the beach last Sunday and took a bunch of pictures of my big old pregnant belly. I am feeling pretty good. Slowing down, feeling more tired, but overall okay.

The house stuff is stressing me out. I want nothing more than to be able to be back in there and nesting. It is hard to have these overwhelming urges that I just can’t give in to. Adam was helpful today. We went over to the house and he moved some furniture around so that I was able to put baby clothing away and organize our labor/birth stuff. It may not be everything, but it is a start, and it definitely feels much better to do something than to do nothing.

It feels like there has been a shifting of some sort going on for me. That it really and truly does feel like some sort of home stretch. The importance of some things is becoming huge, luminous, strangely compelling, while the importance of other things just drops by the wayside.

I can’t wait to meet this baby.